So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize