I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
