Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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