Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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