xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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