i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize