It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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