ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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