Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
