so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
