so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize