When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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