i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
