OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize