I'm going to jail i love you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
