I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I showed him my bush... on skype.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
