the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
