so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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