You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
