I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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