We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize