Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
