Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
