she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
