I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
