So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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