I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How's work?
Spinning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
