I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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