Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
