I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jerry, you need to find god
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
