Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
