I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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