guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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