Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
