he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
