First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
