im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
