gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize