capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
