I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this beer tastes like vomit already
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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