girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just found puke in my bra..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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