I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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