I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
