someone threw a dead crab at me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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