I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
