so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
