Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
