This girl is more easily done than said...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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