yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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