I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
