It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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