All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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