How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize