So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
