If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize