What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
