New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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