Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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