do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
