I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
