Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
