My brain says no but my pants say off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
