the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
