I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
