I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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