i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
