well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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